i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
