im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
