i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
