im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
