Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize