Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
