I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
