I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
