You work out of a Hotel?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
