My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
