you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
