Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
