i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
