this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
