Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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