i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
