Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
