You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
