Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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