Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You can't motorboat a personality
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
