is your mom at the bar?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
