She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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