help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
