We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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