my mouth tastes like poor choices
I hope mine doesn't look like that
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
