You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
