I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
