Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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