Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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