I think my vagina is haunted
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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