If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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