I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
