But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
