I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
