I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
