Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
