waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
