She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
