The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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