God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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