You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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