did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
