Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
