the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
