theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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