I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
