Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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