Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
