If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
