the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
