I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
