i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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