FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
