Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the raccoons are back...
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