hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize