Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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