He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
