She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
