So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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