I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
