i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
