capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
