If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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