***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
