If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize