Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
