I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
