The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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