My first STD was from a foam party
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
